11/11.

i wish for forever and a day.

i am thankful for our love. i cannot say this enough. you make me happy. there are times i feel insecure, but i know that at the end of the day, you'll still be there. i may not be as pretty as all my other friends, but somehow you make me feel beautiful. you believe in me always and i am grateful.

life is going to take us to many places. but i pikny swear i will always be there for you. whether as friends, most likely lovers, i will be by your side. it's scary knowing with each day we are conquering our future. luckily i still have you with me today.

we made that promise today. i won't forget. i swear. thirty years from today. i love you. i always will. <3

it's almost christmassss!
i can't wait [:

one more midterm till i am done. i honestly can't wait till i get to sign up for next semesters classes. I am soo weird.

oh my lordie.

so these past couple days have been intense. it's been crazy. a lot has been on my mind but all is good now. i am relaxed. or at least more relaxed than before. i'm fine i know i am. just weird things like what shocked my over the weekend shake my world. i am fine<3


halloween was fun. got to hang out with, family, friends and the love. mmm haha slut girls and drunk boys. college life. next year i definitely want to be jasmine!


i have an obsession with Sanrio nowadays. i just think all their stuff are adorable. today i bought hello kitty earrings, hello kitty dry erase boards and a hello kitty notebook! it's love. my boyfriend thinks i'm crazy. but hey he's the wierdo with the video game countdown ahah.


my ugg boots came in the mail today. oh how do i love winter.<3


why are girls such bitches. oh please.


mmm the future is bright.

hallllooooweeeeen.

dressing up. going out with friends to spooky places. going back to the house and partying. the fun life. mmm can't wait. i hope it's not super cold! i'mma bring some running shoes to the haunted trails ahaha.



i have so many fall wants and must haves on my list this year.

young.

so i've given up on wishing. why? because i have all i could ever ask for.

lately i've been thinking. i'm happy. for a while i've been unsatisfied. blinded by what's right in front of me. maybe it's the fact that i've got it so good. i see my close friends struggle, and i guess i felt i was missing out. but what never occurred to me was there were fighting for what i have, and here i go envying them. them seemed to have fun. their names are always thrown around. they're the talk of the town. but that's because their floaters.

many times they've told me... "you're lucky." i never understood. but now i do. they yearn something stable. i have that something stable. they yearn for that love. i've always had that love. they yearn for something i've always had; comfort.

inspiration

the good life.

life is swell! i finally got my costume. ahaha. so generic but whateves. mmmm im back to working weekends and midterms are coming up but i feel good about them. ill blog more tomorrow.

lovelovelove.
life is getting better.
mmmm i'm getting a hang of my classes.

breakdown.

emotions running wild. letting it all out. what is happening to me? what has changed? what has happened to my strength and where is my dignity. Why am i weak and why am i sore. things to need to change. i need to get myself back to normal. this emotional rush needs to clear and i want to be able to smile again.

<3

no one ever wants to be forgotten and neither do i. I think it's quite astonishing how one can just throw away the past without a single thought. in a sense i find that heartless. i believe once a part of your life, always a part of your life. every person you meet touches you in some way, and it all happens for a reason. i think the search for love is truly an adventure. It's a journey that takes years and it never gets old. Yes, at some point you may be jaded but the thought of someone out there just waiting for you is definitely intriguing. why sit on your ass lonely and bitter when you could have a grand ole time out there. Friends are a good cure for the love sick blues. But then there are friends, even family who know nothing about what it's like to walk in your shoes. They ridicule your heartache and look past your fake smile thinking nothing more. It happens. But with time, greatness comes and it will all be worth it. To me love is more than the kisses and cuddling. it's about companionship and that person who will see that fake smile of you and take care of it, and would be there for your pain. Love is something special, and something special definitely does not come quickly.

the wedding date.

"I realized I rather fight with you, than make love with anyone else."

i'm sitting here watching the end of the wedding date, thinking of my own life and how i must embrace it.


i'm surrounded by so many, but at the same time i'm lonely. Maybe this new start is getting to me. Everyone seems to be leaving, and here i am still here. I"m content with the fact that i'm not leaving the nest yet. I just wish i had more adventure in my life. so far it has been school, home, homework. How exciting right?


i miss my old self. the non antisocial self. is it too late to change? i'll make that change. i'm bringing back the good ole days.

seaworld part 2.

swell.

Life is most definitely going swell in the life of Jade. So the college life began about 2 weeks ago but nothing really exciting has happened. I'm pretty much a loser/loner ahah. Everyone there seems to already have their clique of friends and finding more isn't necessary. Me on the other hand, has nobody. Yeah i have a handful i know that go to csusm with me but either our schedules dont match or we plain just don't see each other. Thank god i have peter in my math class and redalee in geo. And me and Dor hang out before class and during our hour break! at least i'm not a total loser haha.

i kinda like it though. it makes me more motivated to succeed and i don't fall behind. i'm actually liking homework. i keeps me busy. I've got them priorities on lock. I'm still kind of bummed i wont be working this semester. The load would just be too difficult. oh well, i have many years ahead of me to work.

time by my side.

Who ever said love was easy. yes, love makes me feel whole and love makes me feel wanted. But love aso drives me crazy. love puts me in tears and gives me tummy aches.

but this side of love is all my fault. it's impossible for me to feel assured. no matter what you do and what you say i feel insecure. it's not your fault its mine. you've done nothing but make me feel special and loved and i just can't believe it. i guess its the fact that i've seen so many broken hearts and i've seen many abandoned that i fear this will also happen to me. you tell me constantly it won't and i try my hardest to believe you and i do its just hard for me to grasp.

maybe it's because we're just so happy it scares me. we've been so happy for so long that i'm worried any second that it could be ruined. i know you say it's impossible but i still ought to be cautious.

i'm sorry i'm jealous of nothing. yeah she's got nothing on me, it's just the fact that she's there. at this point i should be able to look at her, but i don't trust her and i most likely never will. she's on my bad side. i think she's a bitch. but enough about her, this is about you and me.

for now on i'll try my hardest to not doubt our love. i trust you wholeheartedly, im just afraid of getting hurt. i love our love and i wouldn't change it for the world. i am so thankful for having such a great guy like you in my life. i want this to last forever and i know in my heart it will. i love you.

the truth about forever.

So i definitely have not been on this for a while. A couple of weeks or so. Time for an update.

Lately my summer lovin has been a little more stressful than it has been. So i got my license back in early and july and here i am carless. .i am not complaining. i'm just worried. my mom and dad have been searching frantically for the perfect car at the perfect price. That is a hard task considering the fact that insurance will be high for me since i am a first time driver, tuition for college, books for college, the parking permit for the car, the gas spent every monday-thursday from carmel valley to san marcos, and the fact that i'm quitting my job in about 2 weeks.

Kinda scary. i wish i were one of the luckier kids who have cars waiting for them way in advanced when they don't even drive. or the kids who's parents provide them money whenever they asked. But my life is hardly anything like that. despite what people say, i work for everything i have. i sacrifice my social life to abide to other's needs and here i am worried i might now fly by this so easily.

But besides all that, my life is going just swell. saving every dollar i have to be able to go on a back to school shopping trip next week. this weekend i shall see THE TIME TRAVELER'S WIFE! I am so excited. date day is sunday which is also ethan's birthday! so better get ready for work. i'll update more later.!

fishies.

adventures near the sea.
i love the aquarium. so much fun! i love fishies. i am so thankful for a having a boyfriend who is good to my sibblings. we all went to the aquarium together [:

so im debating whether or not i should quit my job. school starts in 3 weeks and my mom wants me to focus on school and doesnt think i should be working at the same time. BUT where would i get my money for my own stuff? hmmph.

i'm excited to go shopping. i haven't really full on gone shopping hardcore. i want to buy china glaze nail polish and random graphic tees. and i want some black pointed tow flats. anddd leaf earrings. ahahah. i need to stop.

i want to go school shopping.

the pail list.

just for the summer.
LA road trip. jet skiing. seaworld. disneyland. the san diego zoo. the wild animal park. mount soledad. gym membership. heather jade day. bowling. laser tag. man hunt. la jolla shores. sushi deli. day with the cousins. downtown. birch aquarium. license. buffalo exchange. PB shopping. the proposal. The Time Traveler's Wife. My Sister's Keeper. UP. clubbing. party bus. Casino. Weekend at Pala Resort. Otay Mall. The Fray Concert. orientation. bonfire. picnic at the beach. Coronado. Carlsbad Outlet with mom. car shopping. Niban. Wow. Convoy. Boomers. Miniature Golf. Bike to the Beach.

concerts.

fun under the sun or shade i must say.

so yesterday was first real concert ever. yeah i've been to shows and all but not ever a real concert with big bands haha. well let's see my day was spent with the boyfriend. the concert was held at Cricket at 7:00pm for THE FRAY. i love the fray. they were really good live i must say. i always here about sucky bands live but they for sure werent.

so much drama went down in our section of the venue. with us were peter's sister and her friend. first off we thought we had actual seating, but hence the word "pit seating" we were in the pit. my feet were aching me but not only that, there were annoying drunkies in front and next to us.

Laguna beach drama status here.
you had the 22 year old drunk male flirting with everyone including peter's sister and then suddenly the ex girlfriend appears. sobs and cuss words hahah. i swear they were freaking annoying. trying to dance their way to the front so she could be next to her ex boyfriend she "hated." so rude. rubbing their armpits in peoples faces and shoving and cussing. get a grip. we were front center already. what more could you want.

thank goodness i have no drama. the concert was fun. i'd definitely go again. but this time i rather not have beer spilt everywhere.

alone.

there's something about being alone in a house that freaks me out. i don't know why. i hate being alone at my own home which is souppose to be the most secure, comfy place you have.

i guess i enjoy the company of others.


so i'm sitting here sipping on some chocolate milk being very unproductive. there is so much i can do , but will i do it... we'll see. maybe i should go on a walk and view nature. i have to do the laundry and chores though but i could save that for later. but for now i think i need some food in my stomach.

for the love of summer

once summer passes will life be the same?

i worry too often. i worry too much. There's just something inside me that just makes me wonder. honestly, i'm afraid. it is a big deal to me. i'm afraid of losing the ones i've grown so close to in the last couple years. people say "friends come and go" but what if i don't want you to leave? i know i may seem distant this summer season, but i am still here. it's just been difficult although you may never understand. i'll be back soon enough, but i might be a little too late.



then it always comes down to you and me. you tell me constantly, "don't worry i will always love you." And i believe you, but what if we let life run it's course and out of nowhere a gust of wind blows and a damsel in distress lands in your hands. What happens then? Will you push her away, or will you let her in. i've learned to be cautious and that is what i am. you may think i'm irrational now, but wait and see. It's best to here the "it could happens" rather than just being hit out of nowhere. it will all work out.

then i look deeper into the future. i try to imagine us long term. i do this to make sure it's worth it. and i do see us. i know i sound immature and unrealistic but knowing myself, knowing us, i believe. maybe it's the way i was raised. maybe it's the way you were. i grew up in a broken family. i learned to not let anything less than worthy into my life. hah you may laugh, but i believe all that has come and gone in my life has molded me and strengthened me. you were raised in that homely family. you learned to have it honest and real.

i'm excited for our love to grow, but i'm afraid of the lightning the future brings. what if you end up leaving, would i follow or would i stay? i'd like to think i'd follow but a part of me needs to stay. most of me wishes you would never leave in the first place. but i can't be selfish. if it's your destiny then let it be. i try to supress these thoughts but they never seem to leave my mind. i know that it'll be years from now but i can't help but think. if you leave would you come back, or will i forever regret it.

i wish i never had a plan. i wish i didn't have a dream. i wish i could just let life sweep me off my feet, but i do have a plan and i do have a dream. within those plans and dreams you are my forever someone, my prince. without you my plans would be incomplete, but i don't think i'm capable of giving up all the rest. i wished for a stable life. i wished to have a complete home unlike that i have right now. but would i have that if you always were gone? i wished i wouldn't have to be independent because for the past 18 years of my life i have been. my mom and i both were and i learned from the best, but i've always hoped to not be alone. i wish for a home of 18 years. i want my children to have that single place they grew up in with childhood lifelong friends and a place they will always call home. i wish for a career helping others through medicine but would that interfere? i wish for a husband i could fall asleep to every night with the comfort of knowing he'll be there the next morning and the upcoming evening. i guess i'm wishing for a change. i'm wishing for the priviledges my mother never had. and i want them to make her proud. i want them for me. i know i deserve it, but i want you in so bad.

it's too early to tell where life will take us, but i know i will always love you. i promised. forever and always. and for now lets say, if you leave, i'll follow... but not alone, with all the important things in my life and one of the most important people. you'll understand.

easy breezy.

in a complicated way i'm simple to satisfy.
there's something about my mindset that makes me so difficult to understand.
i wish i didn't analyze and i wish i didn't think.
i wish i would just listen, but that is just not me.
you'll show me one route and i'll choose the opposite.
you'll hand me a book, i'll set it down and pick another.
i'm stubborn and i'm hard to please.
i wish it weren't that way.
but then again that's just me.

i may be hard to please, but i'll never let you know.
i may disagree but then i'll agree.
i'll prove you wrong and act coy about it.
i stand my ground but i'll still let you in.

i'm confident, but i'm still weak.
i don't care whether you don't like my hair, shape or smile,
i do what i want.
but then i have my insecure moments.
you tell me i'm pretty but i can't help but compare.

i wish i were taller, but then again i like being short.
i wish my life were more simple, but then again where would i be?
i wish i were smarter, but then again i know i'm smart enough.
i wish i were more social, but for now i know there's no time.

but what i am thankful for is the fact that i'm loved.
the fact that i have a family who argues and bickers but in the end still loves.
the fact that i have a mom who may be a pain at times but does it all for my best.
the fact that i have a best friend who understands i can't always be there but i try my best.
the fact that i have a boyfriend who has pushed aside the complicated part of me and still loves me nonetheless.

i love my life.
i'm ready for the adventures that are soon to come.
i'm excited for the new friends i'll make
i'm excited for the growing love taking place.
most of all i'm excited to finally complete myself. [:

fun in the sun.

timeless love.
mmm yesterday was adventure day one in the lives of jade and peter.
hahah what a start though. we planned on starting the day at 9am.
but neither i or him could get up till 10.
we finally hit the road in his civic at 11 and heading towards la jolla.
getting lost is fun in good company. :]

there we saw the seals, explored the streets, exhibited art galleries and the exotic style of american apparel haha.
then we headed to mnt soledad! and saw the beautiful view.
mmmm it was amazing.
peter prepared us a picnic and we ate among the breeze.
then we went to UTC but my cramps got the best of me.

we then headed home and uploaded pictures haha.

it was an amazing day. a that i would never trade for anything else in the world.
i love being in love.
all seasons; all year long<3

stupid heart.

i guess that's the problem with perfection; you always dig for the flaws.
forever and always.
a love never dies.
i'm weak and i'm insecure. i'm a girl.
i love you with all my heart and i know you do in return.
why is it that i always have to worry?
is it the fact that i think it's impossible for things to go according to plan.
is it because i thinks its too good to be true.
our love is so real and solid, it scares me.
i'm afraid you're tired of all of it and you want change, but i know that's not the case.
i know were both just super comfortable with each other.
you're the back of my hand.

that's what midnight does to you.
it let's your mind wonder and analyze.
it makes you worry about nothing.
you and i we are safe and sound. i kow this.
we are strong and we are bold.
we are in love in every aspect.

why am i so scared?
maybe because i don't think i'm good enough. is it because i'm not pretty enough or tall enough? i dont know where i lack the confidence.

you probably think i'm silly and irrational, but it's how i feel.
i need the reassurance.
maybe it's because i've been hurt so many times.
how am i to know?
please take care of me and love me to the fullest. it's all i ask.
always and forever.

head pounding.

why must you ache so much?
my head ached all day but now it's kind of gone.
please or please do not come back!

today i went shopping. here is what i got. a new turquoise purse to add to my collection, 2 pairs of sunglasses, dark blue jeans, purple and gray headbands, green flower, and that's it! good shopping day [:

yesterday was beach day with the love.
so much fun
we were hit by waves and birds ate peter's dried mangos.
oh and peter was my seahorse!
and we layed out!
so much fun! then we had mexican food at roberto's that made peter toot. EWWWIE.
great beach day yesterday [:
i didn't get any darker surprisingly. lol.

i need to start looking around for a second job and i will!
woots i work a lot this week.
not looking forward.

mmm and the day goes forward.

feisty heat.

what will summer bring?
it's the 11th of July which means free slurpee day at 711. what fun!
this summer has been a time to relax and reminisce.
a last taste of the carefree life. a time to live life.
so many goals i want to accomplish this summer.
why not make a list?

i want to go to seaworld and visit the penguins. i want to go to belmont park and ride the roller coaster without hurting my back. i want to go to the beach and enjoy the sunshine. i want to go to LA and splurge. i want to go dowtown and walk the streets. i want to go to La Jolla and visit the galleries.

i need to exercise and get myself more fit. i need to make a list of priorities. i need to go car shopping for a car. i need to find a second job to help support myself and my mom. i need to be more thrifty. i need to relax. i need to breathe.

i have to enjoy this summer and all that it brings to me, because next year it will all be different. we are all going our separate ways not knowing what is ahead of us. what we have in control of is what we have now.

next year i will be a college freshman competing against many for the same goal. i want to succeed. i need to succeed. i'm going to be the family girl, loving and dedicated girlfriend, hard working student, and efficient employee. just watch.

i know i can do it all. but for now it's all summer loving [:

all you can do is dream.

every girl dreams. dreamers at heart.
i dream for bliss. i dream for success.
deep in my heart i know it's out there waiting for me.
why am i so certain?
because i have faith and i believe.

i wish i had the ability to share this faith and belief.
all around me i see people who lack this hope.
if only they knew the secret to it all.
what good does regret do? some good i must say.
because with regret, you get lessons and with those lessons you learn.

i wish i had the ability to tell you everything will get better from here.
but i can't.
that's all up to you.

i wish i weren't so organized. I wish i didn't have a plan. i wish i just lived. But i can't because with every dream there is a pathway
and there is no way ill put that in jeopardy.

i'm not asking for a super high paid job; just stability.
i'm not hoping for the "mr. perfect"; just for mr. right.
i'm not hoping for the easy road; i want the adventure.

so therefore my dream is to be me. to live every aspect of life to the fullest. to grasp every moment i can and to always have this faith and self belief.

and my dream for you is to find yourself. to realize what you want is at the tip of your fingers. to understand that one day it will all work out and you will no longer be lost. and till that day comes, i will be here. forever and always.

lights. camera. action.

every life is a story book, but for some reason this chapter seems quite boring.

I guess every life needs adventure.
weird though, the fact that my life seems so stable at the moment.
i am truly blessed.
i don't have the drama, and the hassle and burdens it comes with.
Family matters are going quite well, and i seem to be growing a bond with my mom in the time being.
my love life is amazing and i'm greatly thankful.
work is great. many hours this month.
and school, i'm getting all the classes i want.

i need to make sure to count my blessings.

i remember being the over dramatic girl.
the girl in search for love...
but only got heartache in return.
i remember wanting so much romance,
and i remember the day at came.
Great surprises come at the most unpredictable moments,
but those moments are what you need most.

yes, my life may seem boring without all the heartache and jealousy,
but i am thankful for it all.
i have stability, comfort and love.
i have it all.

Summer

I don't do it on purpose.
I don't tell myself to forget about you and let it all fade away.
I never meant to hurt anyone. It always happens, just got to get used to it.
I'm a homebody. I do go out but most of the time i like staying in.
Maybe i don't necessarily like staying in but i need to.
My world is different from most, and i manage.
I don't have that household of two parents, but i do have my mom.
I've been grown and raised this way and this who i finally am.
I haven't forgotten about you, i just have a little work to do.
I don't have the time calling people up siince i don;t have a ride.
Sometimes i find it ridiculous how so many people do, constantly.
I don't enjoy being a burden and i know in reality, that when a person says
it's no big deal, that's a big fat lie.

Those who really care and matter take the initiative to offer, not to ask.
They understand my ways and make do.
They surprise me and they are the type of people i want forever.

This summer i have been productive. More productive than most.
I've gone to work 3-4 times a week, making bank. I've gotten my license and organized the house.
I've had a life by going to the movies, beach, bonfires, shows, fairs and such.
You may think i've disappeared but in reality i've always been here.

I miss many people, but some i do not.
This after high school thing is making me realize who i want to keep in the long run, and who i don't.

Next year will be such a change. Although i will have my freedom due to my car, i have classes 4 days a week and hopefully 2 jobs by then. I need to get my priorities straight and i have no time for nonworthy souls.

I'll be back soon my lovez.

Forever in love.

I consider myself lucky.
I don't know how it happened. How did i manage to fall in love?
How did i manage to find someone who accepts my flaws and loves me anyways.
I don't know how he does it.

Sometimes it scares me, the fact that we fell in love so long. Should we have waited. I've thought about this so many times, but honestly i know we will make it. Its hard, thinking about the future. But it is inevitable.

I see people date and i see many claim love but i just can't believe it. But then again plenty doubt ours. I guess you just have to be there.

With change coming our way, i'm terrified. You've reassured me so many times, but i still have to worry. I know plenty envy our love but i wish they didn't. Ours isn't perfect. We just make it work.

He's good for me though. I have been hurt plenty of times and he made me believe good things actually happen to people once in a while. We may not be flawless but we surely are in love.

He is one of two people i met during my school years that i want to keep in my life. I know i always sound cheesy, i am cheesy. I guess that's what love does to you, it makes you cheesy. [:

My heart has never felt more complete. Not only with the love of peter but my family and best friends. I'm thankful for it all.

ps...yes i love tumblr, but this makes it all more personal. [: