time by my side.

Who ever said love was easy. yes, love makes me feel whole and love makes me feel wanted. But love aso drives me crazy. love puts me in tears and gives me tummy aches.

but this side of love is all my fault. it's impossible for me to feel assured. no matter what you do and what you say i feel insecure. it's not your fault its mine. you've done nothing but make me feel special and loved and i just can't believe it. i guess its the fact that i've seen so many broken hearts and i've seen many abandoned that i fear this will also happen to me. you tell me constantly it won't and i try my hardest to believe you and i do its just hard for me to grasp.

maybe it's because we're just so happy it scares me. we've been so happy for so long that i'm worried any second that it could be ruined. i know you say it's impossible but i still ought to be cautious.

i'm sorry i'm jealous of nothing. yeah she's got nothing on me, it's just the fact that she's there. at this point i should be able to look at her, but i don't trust her and i most likely never will. she's on my bad side. i think she's a bitch. but enough about her, this is about you and me.

for now on i'll try my hardest to not doubt our love. i trust you wholeheartedly, im just afraid of getting hurt. i love our love and i wouldn't change it for the world. i am so thankful for having such a great guy like you in my life. i want this to last forever and i know in my heart it will. i love you.

the truth about forever.

So i definitely have not been on this for a while. A couple of weeks or so. Time for an update.

Lately my summer lovin has been a little more stressful than it has been. So i got my license back in early and july and here i am carless. .i am not complaining. i'm just worried. my mom and dad have been searching frantically for the perfect car at the perfect price. That is a hard task considering the fact that insurance will be high for me since i am a first time driver, tuition for college, books for college, the parking permit for the car, the gas spent every monday-thursday from carmel valley to san marcos, and the fact that i'm quitting my job in about 2 weeks.

Kinda scary. i wish i were one of the luckier kids who have cars waiting for them way in advanced when they don't even drive. or the kids who's parents provide them money whenever they asked. But my life is hardly anything like that. despite what people say, i work for everything i have. i sacrifice my social life to abide to other's needs and here i am worried i might now fly by this so easily.

But besides all that, my life is going just swell. saving every dollar i have to be able to go on a back to school shopping trip next week. this weekend i shall see THE TIME TRAVELER'S WIFE! I am so excited. date day is sunday which is also ethan's birthday! so better get ready for work. i'll update more later.!

fishies.

adventures near the sea.
i love the aquarium. so much fun! i love fishies. i am so thankful for a having a boyfriend who is good to my sibblings. we all went to the aquarium together [:

so im debating whether or not i should quit my job. school starts in 3 weeks and my mom wants me to focus on school and doesnt think i should be working at the same time. BUT where would i get my money for my own stuff? hmmph.

i'm excited to go shopping. i haven't really full on gone shopping hardcore. i want to buy china glaze nail polish and random graphic tees. and i want some black pointed tow flats. anddd leaf earrings. ahahah. i need to stop.

i want to go school shopping.