lovelovelove.
life is getting better.
mmmm i'm getting a hang of my classes.

breakdown.

emotions running wild. letting it all out. what is happening to me? what has changed? what has happened to my strength and where is my dignity. Why am i weak and why am i sore. things to need to change. i need to get myself back to normal. this emotional rush needs to clear and i want to be able to smile again.

<3

no one ever wants to be forgotten and neither do i. I think it's quite astonishing how one can just throw away the past without a single thought. in a sense i find that heartless. i believe once a part of your life, always a part of your life. every person you meet touches you in some way, and it all happens for a reason. i think the search for love is truly an adventure. It's a journey that takes years and it never gets old. Yes, at some point you may be jaded but the thought of someone out there just waiting for you is definitely intriguing. why sit on your ass lonely and bitter when you could have a grand ole time out there. Friends are a good cure for the love sick blues. But then there are friends, even family who know nothing about what it's like to walk in your shoes. They ridicule your heartache and look past your fake smile thinking nothing more. It happens. But with time, greatness comes and it will all be worth it. To me love is more than the kisses and cuddling. it's about companionship and that person who will see that fake smile of you and take care of it, and would be there for your pain. Love is something special, and something special definitely does not come quickly.

the wedding date.

"I realized I rather fight with you, than make love with anyone else."

i'm sitting here watching the end of the wedding date, thinking of my own life and how i must embrace it.


i'm surrounded by so many, but at the same time i'm lonely. Maybe this new start is getting to me. Everyone seems to be leaving, and here i am still here. I"m content with the fact that i'm not leaving the nest yet. I just wish i had more adventure in my life. so far it has been school, home, homework. How exciting right?


i miss my old self. the non antisocial self. is it too late to change? i'll make that change. i'm bringing back the good ole days.

seaworld part 2.

swell.

Life is most definitely going swell in the life of Jade. So the college life began about 2 weeks ago but nothing really exciting has happened. I'm pretty much a loser/loner ahah. Everyone there seems to already have their clique of friends and finding more isn't necessary. Me on the other hand, has nobody. Yeah i have a handful i know that go to csusm with me but either our schedules dont match or we plain just don't see each other. Thank god i have peter in my math class and redalee in geo. And me and Dor hang out before class and during our hour break! at least i'm not a total loser haha.

i kinda like it though. it makes me more motivated to succeed and i don't fall behind. i'm actually liking homework. i keeps me busy. I've got them priorities on lock. I'm still kind of bummed i wont be working this semester. The load would just be too difficult. oh well, i have many years ahead of me to work.